I used to think that making mistakes meant you were a failure or that you had something wrong with you. That you weren’t morally straight or mentally awake. That you weren’t who you thought you were. That there was something wrong with you.
I reflect on the past a lot–my time before college and my regrets. I think about friends and family and the people I might’ve lost along the way. I think about people that I hurt or people that hurt me. I am hard on myself, and still can feel guilty about some things, but I have learned to grow from those mistakes. I have become an entirely different person than I was in high school and although I may not be exactly who I used to be, I am much happier with the person I am now and my decisions.
Getting to this point wasn’t easy. And a lot of time has passed for me to be able to be where I am today with self-awareness. I have stopped being a pushover, I have stopped making my decisions based off of other people, and I have stopped letting other people control my life.
I have started walking away when I feel something is not right. I have started doing all the things I wanted to without the fear of being judged. I have started a new journey without toxic people in it. I have started over. And its been so freeing.
And making those mistakes made me who I am. Although, those mistakes aren’t even mistakes at that. But for a while there, I had the sense that I was a failure, that I was stupid, that I wasn’t good enough. But I know how hard I worked and I know that I couldn’t have done anything else–so I’m going to accept new things as they come at me. Because I know who I am now, and I know who I’m not, I know what I’ve done for myself, and I know a smile can go a lot farther you think. I know killing with kindness is the best way, and I know numbers don’t matter. I know that having a hard work ethic and a bigger heart are all I need in this life. I know what I will and won’t tolerate.
I’m not any less than I was before.
I’m not a failure.
But I’m different.
I’m a person and I make mistakes. And those mistakes aren’t even mistakes, they are life lessons. They are points I can look back on and say I was strong enough to move on and keep going. To say that I was good enough. To say that I did my best. And to say that I have grown from. So heres to making mistakes, because they shape our ways and our lifestyles, and they shape who we are. Its when you aren’t making any mistakes thats the mistake. So get out there, mess up, fix it, mess it all up again, until you are able to look at yourself and say “I think I did alright.”