Here’s to the future. To the years. To the hours. To the tomorrows to come. Here goes.
In this past year, I have learned to wait. Wait for the wind to change. Wait for the light to turn. Wait for anything, something. But while I was waiting all that time, I realized something else. I wasn’t waiting because I knew things would get better. I wasn’t waiting because I was hanging onto something I had lost. I wasn’t waiting because everyone said it was going to be okay. I was waiting because I was–and am–hopeful. I am waiting because I have learned hope.
I am hopeful for the future. For the decisions I have made and will make. For the choices that will weigh me down, for the pressure I will succumb to, for the life I will live. I hope that it gets better. I hope that everything changes. I hope, I hope, I hope.
And hope is a very powerful tool to have in this life. With the biggest mass shooting America has ever seen, with the fatality rates steadily climbing, with the racism, and with basic human rights coming into question, hope is what I hang onto. With the whole world spinning and crashing in on ourselves, hope leads us to light, at least for a little while.
My hope might be small, and selfish, and centered around me. My hope is to learn to love a place that didn’t love me back, my hope is to start all over, my hope is that I am happy. My hope is that if I don’t find what I’m looking for here, I’ll find it somewhere else. My hope is for a new beginning–and I’m sure other people hope for that as well.
A do-over. A second chance. A better opportunity. Hope is what guides us forward, when we have nothing left to give, and keeps us somewhat sane. Hope is not something you can see, not in my eyes or my words or my face, even if it seems that way. Hope is something you feel and you work with and you be.
Hope is hard because you never know whats around the corner, whats going to happen in the next chapter of your life, and that makes it hard to believe in. But when you have nothing else, no other forces keeping you grounded, hope is there. And even sometimes I stop being hopeful, only for a little while, but that will drive a person onto a dark path. So hang onto hope, because without it, life isn’t hopeful, and if it isn’t hopeful, it isn’t worth much. Trust me.
Have hope. Cherish hope. Wait for hope.